this is write with no disclosure, no apology, just pure emotion. from myself. for myself. by myself.
There was a different look in his eyes. Something unfamiliar, something uneasy that day. Things seemed so perfect before. For once, I felt comfort with you. With your family, with the direction we were headed. The familarity of your body against mine was always soothing but not that day. That day something was uncomfortable, thick, harsh almost. That day I was forced to convince myself your embrace could no longer be my safe place. I could no longer find comfort in you. The very source of my pain was the only place I wanted to run. The thought of your absence caused me great discomfort but in that moment, I had to imagine that as my reality. It’s slightly ironic how the damage of this day will forever haunt me. Forever will i remember that afflication. It consumed me in that moment. Unfortunately, damage that has been done in a momnt of distress could take infinite time to erase. Often, it can be masked, even temporarily eliminated but nights like tonight take me back. Nights like tonight, I remember it vividly. Fear consumes me with unintentional affirmations of my preconcieved notions. Never do I intend to afflict this upon myself. It’s nothing of your doing and never do I put you at fault. However, despite the rhyme or reason, the distinct memory of that afternoon will forever be etched deeper than I can erase absolutely but tonight I work little by little to improve a project I never imagined to take on.
