I look in the mirror and hate who I’ve become. I lost the one person who truly loved me at not fault but my own. That’s where the root of my hurt comes from. Due to selfish ambitions and whispers from the devil, I gave him up. I thought late nights, different guys, parties would bring me wholeness but they didn’t. What I’ve been missing is a sincere faith. A faith based not on what others think it should be but rather a genuine, head over heels in love faith. Looking back, that is what I was missing. I felt guilt and shame for my mistakes that rather than face them, I ran. In that I lost the two most important relationships in my life. Now, he’s really gone. It is all surreal but hurts a lot. I numbe the pain for so long that it is here and it is harsh. I miss him more than words can ever express but know I am not good enough nor so I deserve his love. It hurts being so vulnerable. It hurts he doesn’t want to be friends. It hurts that I can’t shake the idea of us and it hurts that I can’t put his picture away. I’m hurt. I’m in love. I’m in pain. I’m in my darkest hour. I’m in desperation.